ohhh man

oh man wow hello

my last post was over a year ago

i am sorry for abandoning all of you

so many things have changed; life is really good

i am having a mild existentialist crisis that i believe comes with being in your late teens

i have so many things to do and write and remember and say and be and i get really overwhelmed with it all, but it's okay

...i wrote a novel while i was gone and it is closer to my heart than anything i have ever written before (you'll hear me talk about it a lot, it's called pictures of you and it's about the beach)

i also started writing poetry

i am not sure why i am trying to rejuvenate my blog because between writing and life and school and sports, i don't have the time for it, but i thought it might be kind of an online journal

or a stream of consciousness, as this is

in the past two years, i have grown up a bit more (i am a much different person than when i left)

i have all but abandoned my relationship with God, not out of disbelief, but out of apathy, and it is breaking my heart and i know that he still loves me but i have such a stubborn heart and the devil tells me things such as, "it's been so long now, you have so much work to do to get back into his favor"

and that's not true

and i miss Jesus

and i am going to fix that

aside from God in my life, or my personal lack thereof, family, friends, writing, and volleyball have become the most important things to me

okay wow i'm sorry for this post i just don't know how to reintroduce myself because i am so far from the person i was when i left

but i am happy to be back, for however long it is :)