I am not of this world's

*edit: I just reread this post and it's jumbled and difficult to understand...but I'm posting it anyway. If you can make some sense of it, then good for you.* :)

Hey. So yeah. It's been 46 days since I posted, and I'm reallyyyyy sorry. I've been a horrible blogger. It would be fun to update you on what's been going on in my life, but that'll be the next post, because I have something else I want to talk about first. :)

Do you know what freedom is?

I think I do. Don't take my word for it, but recently I totally got an idea of what not being free is. Not in a physical way, but spiritually. I spent the night at a friend's house, and at about 4:30 in the morning the radio started going off. There was a radio show on, and it was

1. Shallow
2. Stupid
3. Shallow
4. Pointless
5. Shallow
6. Made me want to cover my ears with my pillow

Well, I'm not going to say what it was about exactly, but it involved clothes and women, and it made me think, "Wow. Could the world get any more shallow?" (And yes, I'm aware I've used that word four times now, thank you, it fits this post very nicely.:)

So the world sees a woman's body, not her heart. Do they care what's in her heart? Nope. It's like, "Hey, if she's hot, that's all that matters."

I'm having trouble to convey what I'm talking about...what I mean is, the world is bound in chains of depravity that they're perfectly content to lounge around in, but what happens when God comes in and the chains are broken?

Freedom.

Sometimes it seems like, as Christians, we don't have the so-called "freedom" of non-Christians: we gotta dress a certain way, act a certain way, be "good." And it can look like our non-christian friends are having all the fun, living however they want to, not held back by any restrictions.

But hey. That's not how I want to live. And I never will want to live that way. Because those without Christ are bound up in chains too, just like the world. Chains that they don't even know are there.

Christ came. And he broke away each chain, each shackle, and each manacle binding our wrists. He used love and sacrifice and forgiveness and grace. He turned what was rotten into something that is blossoming.

And he gave us freedom. Freedom to love him, live for him, embrace beauty, and to want to cry because he's just done so much for us that we can't even fathom.

Our chains are gone. We've been set free. Christians, we are not of this world. We may be sinners and we've made mistakes every single day of our lives and we will make mistakes every day onwards, but we do not belong to the depravity and shallowness of this world. We are Christ's.

Listening to that horrible radio show talking about something as stupid as "should women dress provocatively for job interviews" made me want Jesus. It comforted me to know that I had a reason not to listen to that junk, that I was set apart from it, and that I had someone to run to. I am not alone in this world. I am saved. What the heck, I'm not perfect, and here on this earth I never will be.

But my chains are gone.

Even as I'm writing this I'm feeling a bit hypocritical. It may sound here like I'm some amazing super Christian who's got it all together and lives a perfect Christian life every day. I'm nowhere near close to that. I can't remember the last time I sat down one morning and had devotions. I've told God I want to do better and live for Him and I haven't. Sometimes I feel so shallow and inadequate and concerned with worldly things that don't matter.

My friends, let me ask you: What is that battle worth? What is worth to fight for something like looks or popularity? 'Cause even right now, I'm thinking, That's not what I want. I want a life lived for Jesus. A life that in the end is going to mean something. God is waiting for us and how many times have we turned him away in favor of things that will pass away? How many times have I done that? I can't even count. I can't count how many times I've done that in the past month.

So I can live a life in chains and bondage and slavery, in a world that will only pull me down and fill my mind and heart with shallow, stupid talk. Or I can fall at the feet of Jesus and beg for forgiveness and cry and thank him, again and again and again, that he saved me from the world. Saved me. Rescued me. Redeemed me.

Dear Lord,
I understand what it means to be in the world but not of it. You are a great and amazing God and I want to cry out to you and fall at your feet with tears from what you saved me from. I don't have to stumble aimlessly through life alone in a world that hates You. I don't have to die and be separated from you for eternity because your love was greater than my sin.

God, I don't want to be just another random person living for the world, not now or never. I've been set apart for You, for Your Glory and Your Kingdom. For an eternity WITH you, not without you.

I can't even begin to fathom the depths of Your Love.

And that is perfectly okay with me.

My life is your's, Lord. Not mine and definitely not the world's. You hold my heart, and I pray you always will. I love you.

All my love, which is nothing compared to all of yours,
your daughter,
Caroline

Life is Sweet, and I talk again about heroes

It seems my last post wasn't too popular, so I take that to mean that 1.) 98% of my readers aren't hoodies and 2.) Molly missed this post (she's as obsessed with Robin Hood, medieval things, and history as I am.) Maybe y'all will tell me about some of your favorite tv shows? Or just story/character obsessions in general? :)

edit: Molly said for some reason she wasn't able to comment on this post, so my Hoodie hasn't abandoned me. Not at all. :P

(Ara, would I be the first person to point out what a beautiful button that is?!)

1. The sweetest Valentine's Day story you ever heard: http://owlcityblog.com/2011/02/14/dear-taylor/

2. Talking on the phone to my cousin a couple nights ago and laughing so hard I nearly cried. I'm not sure why she brings out the hyperness in me. Plus I get to see her in a week and a half, and we haven't seen each other since Christmas. ♥

3. In Christ alone, my hope is found, he is my light, my strength, my song. That song is so stunning and makes me want to shout, "Jesus, I love you!"

4. Having sisterly talks with my...sister. :P

5. Saying something like "Did you know...that your name..." to your best friend and having her finish the line. You know what's really weird? We know each other so well we're telepathic. We have begun saying the same things at the exact same time.

6. Season three finale of Larkrise to Candleford tomorrow night, along with introducing my second favorite tv show--Merlin-- to my parents and grandmother

7. Lying on the driveway looking up at the siluhouette (sp?) of black trees against an orange and blue sunset-y sky.

8. Writing a prologue for The Labyrinth (new possible title--what do you think of Hero?) and actually liking it

9. Really hitting it off with my classmates

10. Thinking about going to camp in a month :)

_________________________

Not my most exciting list ever, but oh well. They're sweet things for me. :)

So, I mentioned writing a new prologue for The Labyrinth. When I was doing Nano, I hated this book so much. Hated it. I thought it was junk, and in some ways, it is. It doesn't make any sense and the ending was extremely rushed, because I wanted to finish it on the last day of November (and did!). But Shaynie just started editing her Nano novel too, so we made a deal to edit our books together and to pester each other relentlessly from time to time to see how the editing is going. I have 300 words of a prologue, but it isn't bad. And I'm beginning to see who my main character, Theseus, really is. I think during Nano, the pressure of the race really overshadowed him, and in all respects, he was pretty flat. But I can see that he has a lot of potential. Mind if I talk a bit longer? :)

I had an idea today about changing the name of the book from The Labyrinth to Hero. Because that one word is the essence--or rather, will be, with this draft--of the story. The theme is Theseus struggling with what a "hero" is, what they do, and how he doesn't want to become one (because 98% of the Greek heroes got really big heads about their accomplishments, so the gods zapped them or had them die painful deaths. He doesn't want that.)

What is a hero? What makes a hero? What will define who he is?

It would be a perfect title. Theseus (my version, anyway, forget the old legend about him) isn't the hero type. Alright, I know that sounds stereo-typical. But Theseus is more like a commoner than a prince; he doesn't think very highly of himself; and he doesn't even want to be king of Athens one day. Unfortunately, he's 6 foot 2 inches, built well, fights like nobody's business, and looks like a hero, and everyone expects him to go do something amazing and heroic, because, well, that's what heroes and princes do. But to be a hero isn't his aim. He doesn't say, "Hey, I think I'll go to Crete, because if I killed the Minotaur it would make me look really good!" He goes because his best friend, the healer's son Pollux, is among the group of youths and maidens who are captured to be fed to the Minotaur. So he really has no choice. And the word "hero" is the question he will struggle with throughout the whole book.

I'm talking in circles. It just felt good to talk about that, and maybe, possibly, convey my ideas of what The Labyrinth is. It's amazing, but I'm actually liking my main character. I take that to be a good sign.

Wanna see a picture? Yes? Aw, y'all are just too sweet =D

left to right: Minos (the king of Crete, Ariadne's father, "played" by Keith Allan), Theseus (played by John Dagleish), Ariadne (princess of Crete, played by Selena Gomez), and Sarpedon (Minos's brother, played by Steve Coogan)

___________________________________

Well, that's about it from here. I must leave. Have a fabulous night, friends!

The sweet life

I'm linking up to Awel's (I mean, Ara's--I'm having trouble getting used to the name change) meme, Life is Sweet. You list ten things that make you happy, and that make life sweet.:)



1. Running through the shallow water at the beach with wet sand beneath my feet

2. Staying up into the wee hours of the night watching episodes of Robin Hood with Molly

3. Painting my toenails orange (hey, can you blame me if I miss summer just a little bit?!)

4. Finding a new song that I absolutely love. Most recently: That's What You Get by Paramore, My Declaration by Eliza Bennett, Viva la Vida by Coldplay (ok...that wasn't so recent), I Promise You by Selena Gomez, and Must've Done Something Right by Relient K

5. Finding the most amazing comment from Katelyn waiting for me

6. Days when I wake up and the sun is bright and shining

7. Dunkin Donuts Caramel Iced Lattes

8. Cousins.

left to right: me, Lorna, Paige

9. Watching Larkrise to Candleford with my family (our favorite tv show)

10. Going to Google Translate, turning up the volume, typing something silly about my sister, and then clicking "listen" (it's easy to amuse a homeschooler :P)

Link up! :)

Life that's new

I really don't like posting now that my blog is private--I can reach so fewer people, and it's a hassle commenting on blogs that don't have access to mine. Anyways. :)

I'm really excited for 2011. This year, which will end in one hour (one hour! eep!) has been a good one. It's had its ups and downs. My grandfather passed away three days before Christmas. I won Nanowrimo. Grandpa was in and out of the hospital numerous times. There were trials, big ones, for my personal walk with Jesus. I could almost feel Satan shooting his fiery darts at me. It hurt. A lot. But Jesus, being the good Savior that he is, helped me get through it--and learn from it. I can't say it was enjoyable (I mean, come on; when is it ever?) but I think I'm stronger because of it.

I made friends this year. Two girls who have become two of my best friends, and I hope they'll truly be my friends forever. I met Katelyn in March in a writing class, and we got to know each other after a few months. Sadly, she spent the entire summer (grr!) in New Jersey, but she came home (yay!) and we've become really strong friends. Hey, we're both writers and photographers and bloggers and Christians and homeschoolers. How much more alike can you get? (Ok, we don't look anything alike. At all. But that's alright.) God has blessed me so much, and I am so thankful for a wonderful Christian friend like her. Love you, girlie!


Then, in April, from this lovely little website we call Blogger, I met Shaynie. I was just blog hopping and happened to find her blog (I have no idea where I found it) and man, am I glad I did. We always got along well, but towards the beginning of fall we started chatting/emailing with each other, and we started to become really good friends. Shaynie completed Nanowrimo like a week and a half before it ended. I, on the other hand, was struggling with a word count that was pretty behind. But this girl pulled me through. She wrote me an incredible pep talk and I pulled through and won that horribly painful writing contest (note to self: don't do Nanowrimo next year...possibly...). I didn't want to dissapoint Shaynie, so I had to kick Nano's butt. Now, two months later, we're close friends, and definitely friends for life. :)

And then there's Miss Molly. I can't say she's one of the best friends I met in 2010, since I met her in 2009. But then, last New Year's, I didn't know Molly nearly as well as I do now. I am so thankful for this friend. We may be as different as day and night, but we're Peanut Butter and Jelly, Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, Spongebob and Patrick, Shawn and Gus. (I had to fit all the best friends I could think of.XD) We really are sisters, buddies, amigas, and Robin Hood and Merlin fanatics forever.:)

photo credit to Pixel Paige

I am thankful for my life. My friends. You incredible on Blogger, cause you make my day. My family, because that's what keeps us together. My grandfather's life. And I'm thankful for new life, and how Jesus can turn an old year into a new one full of hopes and promises and any amount of dreams that can come true. That may sound really cliche, but as Molly once told me, sometimes the cliche phrases are really the most true. Anything can happen, because this is life, and when you put in God's hands, you're in for a wild ride. One that will take you to places you never expected.

I want to write this year. I want to push myself to my limits and make the volleyball gold league. I want to save my money for a camera, I want to eat healthier, I want to run, I want to draw, I want to cook.

But what I really want is Jesus. I fool myself into thinking I need the above things (Ok...you really do need your health XD) but when it comes down to it, what's left? Is it the camera or the volleyball or the sketches? Nuh-uh. It's Jesus, and it all comes down to him. So give him the glory, because in the end, it's his anyways.

{MY picture, but I didn't put a watermark on it, so don't steal}

I wanted to share this verse that was a huge comfort to me during my struggle:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." --Ephesians 6:12 (and typed from memory, too ^_^)

Satan doesn't want us to live. He wants to weigh us down with how life can be hard sometimes. And while it can be, that's not the point. Because Jesus came to give life, and he certainly did give it. So it's the least we can do to honor him by living it.

It felt good to write this, even if no one else sees it until tomorrow or the next day. I need to get my thoughts out. :)

So thank you, Jesus, for Molly, for Katelyn, and for Shaynie. Thank you for Lorna and Olivia and Julianna and Alyssa and Christina and Stephanie and Guin and all the people you've blessed me with. Thank you for my family. For my best friend/sister (no, really, she is my sister) Paige. For my parents, my grandma, my nana on the other side. For life, writing, volleyball, water, music, health, laughter, swimming, jumping, hyperness, and everything else I love.

Bring in 2011. Bring in new beginnings, new stories, new laughter, quiet days, and a chance to begin again. Let yourself really live. I know I want to!

favorite photo taken of me in 2010...thanks Livia!

This is the end

This is the end...for two weeks, anyway. The blogger Maggie had a very eye-opening post tonight (well, it wasn't eye opening for me since I already knew about it--what it did was help me re-assess my priorities.)

You want the truth? I live in blog posts. I think in blog posts. I do everything, in blog posts. "Hey, would my followers think this is funny?" "Ooh, that would be so good for a post!" or "Hey, drop by so-and-so's blog and see if they replied to your comment". It's an endless cycle of blog addiction that goes around...and around...and around. Sometimes I jump back and think, Whoa! Time to stop, girly. Give it a rest.


But I never do. I always keep going. I push those, You know, you really need to take a break--you're addicted thoughts out of my head and try to back myself up with miserable claims.

And I am sick and tired of it.

I'm being brutally honest with you guys right now. I just...I just don't want to do this anymore. And it hurts to say that because I hate reading that on other blogs. It's sad. But now I'm doing it. Because I have to jump out of this vicious cycle while I can still see the damage it's doing me.

Here's the thought that crossed my mind exactly one week ago: "I don't want to remember ___ (my age) as the year I blogged." Because I have things special to each year: last year, I lived at the ocean, didn't care a whit for photography, and was obsessed with my book Enslaved. The year before that, my family moved to the Midwest--completely out of our comfort zone and a thousand miles away from our family and friends. That's what I remember about that year: at first, absolutely no friends, loneliness, and missing my old friends like I can't even describe. That year in my life sticks out in my mind because of those things, and because of the totally different setting, events, people, and the making of some of my best friends.



I digress, but do you see where I'm heading? The past two years of my life stand out vividly. I'm pretty certain this year will, too. But for a different reason.

This year, I blogged.

I hate that. I can't get over the feeling that I have wasted such a huge portion of this year and of my teenage years. It hurts and it hurts badly.

Which is the precise reason I went to my mom a few minutes ago and said, "Um, I need to talk to you about blogging. I need help." That's the absolute truth--I need help getting away from it, and I can't do it by myself. Not only do I need God's help but I need someone to hold me accountable.

So here it is: No blogging for two weeks. Period. Nada. Zip. Zero. You get the picture.

And after that?

I'm still not sure. I don't lie when I say I've made some pretty amazing friends here on Blogger. I have writing buddies through Blogger. I send 1,500 word emails to my best blogging friend. I care about y'all and what you're doing. You've encouraged me, alerted me, taught me, and made me laugh. It's been a blessing to have meet all of you.

That said, I care about you--but I no longer want to blog.

Ouch. That stings, doesn't it? Well, here's the thing: much as I've enjoyed blogging, my life is hasn't stood still for it. I have things to do and places to go. I have a novel to write and friends to make and a camera to save up for. I want to be the Caroline who writes hand written letters to her friends, who laughs at stupid Robin Hood spoofs on Youtube, who has deep and real talks with her best buddies. Who isn't afraid to write that novel of hers and share it. Who was obsessed with writing and books. Let me tell you something: the 3,592 words I've written so far for NanoWrimo is more than I've written for my novels in three months.

At the end of the two weeks, I'm gonna see where I am and how far I've come. I won't say I'll be gone from the world of Blogger for good. I probably won't be. But now I've realized I can't fit blogging into the rest of my life. I highly admire those who can, but right now, it's not working for me.

So this month of November, I'm gonna write that 50,000 word novel. I'm gonna save my pennies for that elusive camera. This Friday I'm going to Katelyn's, and we'll have an awesome time taking pictures, painting nails, giving each oatmeal face masks (I think...). All I want to do is have an awesome time with one of my besties that I haven't seen in over a month. I don't want blogging to be on my mind. I don't want to say something and think, "Hey, that's going on my blog later!" And I want to buckle down and do my schoolwork when I need to, not when I feel like. I want to call my friends on the phone, finish making that music video with Molly, laugh with her over inside jokes and dance in the rain and drag her across the kitchen floor. And I plan to take chilly walks across the golf course, and tomorrow night go to a youth group I've never been to before, and write in my diary all the things that I think could go on my blog.

Do I do many of these things anyways? Yes. But I want to do them without being a blogger for two weeks.

You guys, you're awesome. I'm not gone for good, and this blog won't be deleted. But I am serious when I say, even if I come back after the two weeks, I might not blog anymore. Maybe sporadically. But I'd rather like to live a life apart from blogging.

I already have many of y'alls email addresses, but if you'd like to email me, then leave a comment with your email which I won't publish. NOTICE: I WILL NOT BE PUBLISHING COMMENTS UNTIL I RETURN IN TWO WEEKS.

So after then, I'll return your email. :)

My dears...this is hard to write. And I think it will be hard to stop this. But what's one thing I love to say?

Life has got to be lived.

I intend to live it fully and wholly for Jesus Christ. I hope you will, too.

So for now I say, adieu, and God bless you in your journey!

Life is good!

Give me one glorious ambition for my life

I feel better right now than I have in a while. I'm in a mellow, content kind of mood right now, though earlier I was ready to jump and sing for joy. Because, I had been struggling, and instead of turning to God, I tried to reason with myself and get through it on my own.

If there's one thing I should've learned by now, it's that that never works.

I opened my Bible to Philippians 4:8. I read it over and over, drilling it into my mind, willing myself to remember it and to pull it back when things got rough. I opened next to Ephesians 6, the famous Armor of God passage. I can't count how many times I read through those eight verses, starting with "Finally, be strong in the Lord," and ending with, "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

I was crying as I read over it, again and again, because the struggle was big but the God is bigger. And I've been through things like this before, some much more difficult and longer-lasting than this was. But no matter what the struggle, no matter if we're hurting a little or a lot, God's love will always be there...whatever your hurt is. Anger, sickness, breakups, Satan's lies, and the list goes on. But in each situation there is God. When no one else loves you, there is God. When you're hurting whether emotionally or physically, there is God.

"Sure, Caroline", you may say. "You have no idea what I'm going through. And why should I take your word for it? You're probably younger than I am."

You're absolutely right. I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what kind of fiery darts Satan is directing in your path right now. But I will always know that God will be there. It's like this: I am never sure, and neither are you, about what will happen in life. But I am certain that God will be right there with me, because He always has been, and through faith I trust that He always will be.

Don't take my word for it. Take God's. In Ephesians 6:17 His Word is called, "The Sword of the Spirit". My mom pointed out something once I hadn't noticed: God's Word, the Bible, the sword of the spirit, is our only weapon in the Armor of God. Every other piece of our armor is designed for the defense, to defend ourselves from Satan's flaming arrows. But the Bible is our sword: it's what we fight with: it's what we do battle with.

I have to be honest with you. If I was not a Christian, I really have no idea how I could get through what Satan tries to throw at me. Honestly. God is my everything. My hope. My strength. My love.

Without Christ, I am nothing.

Yesterday at church, the song we sang at the end stood out to me. I loved it when one sang it, and when I pulled out my bulletin a little bit ago to read the lyrics, I loved it even more. This is my favorite hymn now.

Give Me One Pure and Holy Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You
To grow as your disciple in Your Truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on, and I will run after You.

I want to be a writer. In many ways, that is my ambition, my worldly goal.

But that is no longer my ambition. (don't panic. I'll never stop being a writer.)

I want to go higher. I want to go beyond what the world can do for me and let Jesus be my ambition. I want Him to be my pure and holy passion. He is my glorious ambition. What will yours be?

Follow hard after him.



And I promise you, He will fill your heart with so much joy you might even be able to jump higher than I did in that picture.

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

You've got troubles, well I've got 'em too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together and we see it through.

Those lyrics to "You've Got a Friend in Me" by Randy Newman have really stood out to me lately. Cause lately...I've gone up and downs with friendships. One minute I'm soaring, laughing and hanging out with one friend, and then the next, a surge of jealousy over another friend hits me, and I'm down in the friendship dumps the rest of the day. I'm a jealous friend. I admit it.

But not yesterday.

I'm sure you've heard me mention one of my bestest, most amazing friends on this blog many times before--Molly. This girl is awesome, let me tell you. We haven't even known each other for a year and yet we're super close, best buddies, partners-in-crime, and all the rest.

It'll be one year in November that we've known each other, I think. Of course, when we first met, we were shy and a little tentative. Who is this girl living next door? Is she as crazy as I am? I wonder if she likes to write, too? Is she a Christian? Will she think it's weird that I'm homeschooled?

Almost a year later, it's all gone.

She's Molly, one of my bffs. She's totally crazy, but we balance each other. She likes to write but her thing is music and running. She's a Christian just like me. Oh yes, and she thinks I'm a freak cause I'm homeschooled. (jk...or not...)

Seriously. Whoever it was who said "Friends are a gift from God" was absolutely right. When I moved here not even a year ago, I know no one. No friends. Who knows who I could've gotten as my next door neighbor? Maybe an annoying nine year old who wouldn't stop pestering me. A family with all boys. A family with tiny kids. A girl I wouldn't get along with at all. Maybe a nice girl, but with no possibility of becoming one of my best friends.

Instead, Molly is my neighbor. She's random. Spontaenous. Funny. A day dreamer. We constantly spout Robin Hood and Youtube quotes to each other ("That KILLS people, Carl!" "Oh, I did not know that!"). We can laugh, make fun of each other, and just be us.
God is why we're next door neighbors. Isn't He amazing?

Yesterday afternoon, we were in the process of making our music video--which, by the way, is pretty darn amazing and will be uploaded after we finish making it--when we got bored. Strike that, we got a snack, then watched iCarly (I secretly love that show) and decided to go to my house to find something exciting to do. We get outside...and it's pouring rain. Like a monsoon, baby.

Molly: On the count of seven!
Me: On the count of ten!
(I think we comprised somewhere in the middle.)

We dash out, screaming, and run across the driveway and my sideyard and up my porch steps. Once inside...

Me: We should do that again.

So back out we go, running into the rain and down the driveway and still screaming. We start dancing (DINOSAUR DANCE!!!!!) and run back up the driveway and run laps around the cars. Ok, now we'll go inside!

Molly: Let's do it again. No shoes!
Me: we'll get muddy! (attention: I love mud. My mom doesn't.)

But we go shoeless anyways. We're getting pretty wet and I can barely see anything (glasses) but hey...why stop?

Me: we're gonna catch pneumonia!!!!
Molly: I don't care!!!!!! Let's rain to my mailbox and up my driveway and around my car and back down my driveway and up your driveway and around your car!!!
Me: .... what?

I could narrarate (gosh I can never spell that word) the rest of it for you, but you get the idea!

Or maybe you don't....

Cause it was amazing. I think just to feel that rain on my face and do something crazy, and spontaenous, with one of my best friends...it's what I needed. We didn't care that we go soaking wet. We didn't care about having to change clothes. We just did it. Screaming, laughing, jumping in puddles, catching raindrops on our tongues, going barefoot in it all, and even sitting down in it. (That was me...and then Molly started splashing me...you are going DOWN for that!!!)

It was pretty darn special. That's all I can say, because we each have times with our friends that are indescribible (gosh, another problem word) and this is one of those times.

We came back inside, dried off and got into pajamas, and made mint brownies. (heavenly they were, too...) And then. It happened.

Molly....

went....

boneless.

*cue horror music*

I'm not sure why she was lying on the kitchen floor in the first place, but then I started dragging her by the hand, and it was a total Shawn and Gus moment. "Don't go boneless on me, Shawn, don't go boneless!" It's even funnier considering that we ARE like Shawn and Gus. (I wanted to be Shawn. I got stuck with Gus. It's kind of sad that we actually are similar.)

You've got your troubles...I've got 'em too.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. (mostly)
We stick together and we see it through.

That was my day. My amazing day. My spectacular day. My day with one of my b.f.f.e.a.e.a.e.

buddies.

amigas.

pals.

friends.

sisters.

Love you, girl!

I'm Pressing On

In August I did a guest post for Melody at Vividry. While I got wonderful feedback from Melody, Guin, and Alexandra, that's about all I got...so I'm reposting it (with Melody's permission) here. My original post can be found on Melody's blog here. This post was originally written for Vividry.

*****

Moving on.

Whatever the situation, it's one of the hardest things we must do. Friendships...ideas...dreams...our memories are steeped in the past while we forget about our lives in the present.

As of last November, I'd moved three times in the past year and a half. With my first move, I missed my old friends desperately and would have given anything to "go back home." And each time I visited my friends and family where I used to live, I got a little more distant, a little more detached--sometimes without my knowing it.

One year ago, all I wanted was to move back to where I used to live. I remember mistakenly wishing that I had never moved to the Midwest.

But I wouldn't trade anything in the whole world for the one year I spent out there. Not another year back in my old home, another year with my old friends, another year anywhere else. Because in each place I've been, God has given me friends and experiences that in my mind are worth far more than any worldly possession.

At the same time, He was slowly prying me apart from my old friends. I think of friendships that were, friendships that used to be so strong, and I want to cry because the girls are so different now, it's like I don't know them. And a part of my mind thinks, If I hadn't moved, if I had stayed here, maybe we would still be friends...I wouldn't have missed out all the things they did together, without me...

Yes, that's true. I'd have an entire year of memories with them, in my old home.

And an entire year in the Midwest wouldn't be in my memory. Those friends, the girls I became so close with, I wouldn't even know. The family vacations, the sleepovers, the youth group meetings, the freezing cold winter (well, that I'm not missing too much), the volleyball practices, the laughter. Something would be missing, a really big something, a huge part of my life.

It take me a long time to realize that that part of my life lives in my memory, but it's not who I am anymore. I love that part of my life... but I can't get it back. Rather, God has put me where I am for a reason.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

You're where you are now because God has planted you there. Yes, maybe you're missing your friends, your old home, your church. But would God have put you there if he didn't have a plan? Would he do anything without a plan? Is missing someone, or something, any reason to not live life fully? (which is something I struggle with hugely, so don't feel alone.)

At times I still regret my leaving. Old friends have grown close to each other while I've grown farther. But, my sisters in Christ, some of the best advice I can offer you, if you have similiar thoughts--move on! Yes, it's difficult, and I know from having done it myself. But there are friends, memories, places to go and things to see where you are right now, and if you sit back in the past and wish for what's gone, you'll miss it on the life God has given you.

Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind
My problems fell out of the back of my mind
We're going and I'm never knowing where we're going
To go back to where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on!

--Pressing On by Relient K

Pressing on doesn't mean you have to forget your past. Keep your memories in your heart and don't let go of them...just don't let them blind you to the blessings and friends Jesus is placing in your life right now.

There's something else I've realized only recently--I don't want to go back. Even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm here now with amazing friends and fantastic oppurtunities, and wherever I am, life has to be lived!

So, my sisters, live it. Wherever you are, whatever the situation, whoever and wherever you're missing, live out your life fully for Jesus--with no regrets!

This is my mission.

I just dug an important piece of paper out of the trunk in the corner of my bedroom. And I couldn't resist sharing it.

I wrote these few sentences, this one paragraph, for my writing class back in March. It was just the class assignment; and if my teacher hadn't given us that assignment, I might never have written this.

My mission statement. Copyright to Caroline K., March 2010.


To love selflessly, live like Jesus lived, face each new morning with a positive attitude, and be a messenger of Christ. To be exemplary and brave in my faith, loyal to my friends, and honest in my words. I want to keep my heart and mind pure for God and for my future husband. I want to strive to love my family, write with passion, and follow God wherever and whomever he leads me to.

As I copied this out from the piece of paper sitting next to me on my bed, I realized how much I have failed and fallen short of every single aspect of this statement. I have been selfish. I haven't lived like Jesus. I wake up grumpy with a bad attitude. I don't talk about my faith in public. I go with the flow. I've favored some friends over others and haven't been a good example of the word "friend." I haven't always been honest. Yes, physically I am pure, but what about when I point out and sigh over every cute guy that crosses my tv screen? I've shoved my family to the back of my mind and down on my list of priorities. Most days I put off writing, telling myself, "I'm not inspired today. I'll do it tomorrow." (can you tell that I procrastinate?)

Yes. I wrote down these words but did I mean them? I shoved the paper with the statement on it to the bottom of my trunk and basically forgot about it. "Assignment over; I can go back to real life now."

Dear Lord, make me realize the value of these words. Make me realize they aren't something I typed for a class assignment but are the vision for my life. Give me the boost I need to stop sitting and waiting and help me to get up and start doing. Make me honest, make me real, make me vivid. Let me live to the fullest, not fretting over tomorrow. Don't focus my eyes only on the moment I'm in now but on the future and the choices I make. Show me the true meaning of purity, in body and soul. Help me to love others when I want to turn my shoulder and wake away. Show me what it means for me to be loyal. Make me your messenger, proclaiming your holy Name. Make people wonder about what I have that they don't. Take my fears, my hopes, my dreams--and let me be, before all things, my King, Your servant.

Amen.