This is the end

This is the end...for two weeks, anyway. The blogger Maggie had a very eye-opening post tonight (well, it wasn't eye opening for me since I already knew about it--what it did was help me re-assess my priorities.)

You want the truth? I live in blog posts. I think in blog posts. I do everything, in blog posts. "Hey, would my followers think this is funny?" "Ooh, that would be so good for a post!" or "Hey, drop by so-and-so's blog and see if they replied to your comment". It's an endless cycle of blog addiction that goes around...and around...and around. Sometimes I jump back and think, Whoa! Time to stop, girly. Give it a rest.


But I never do. I always keep going. I push those, You know, you really need to take a break--you're addicted thoughts out of my head and try to back myself up with miserable claims.

And I am sick and tired of it.

I'm being brutally honest with you guys right now. I just...I just don't want to do this anymore. And it hurts to say that because I hate reading that on other blogs. It's sad. But now I'm doing it. Because I have to jump out of this vicious cycle while I can still see the damage it's doing me.

Here's the thought that crossed my mind exactly one week ago: "I don't want to remember ___ (my age) as the year I blogged." Because I have things special to each year: last year, I lived at the ocean, didn't care a whit for photography, and was obsessed with my book Enslaved. The year before that, my family moved to the Midwest--completely out of our comfort zone and a thousand miles away from our family and friends. That's what I remember about that year: at first, absolutely no friends, loneliness, and missing my old friends like I can't even describe. That year in my life sticks out in my mind because of those things, and because of the totally different setting, events, people, and the making of some of my best friends.



I digress, but do you see where I'm heading? The past two years of my life stand out vividly. I'm pretty certain this year will, too. But for a different reason.

This year, I blogged.

I hate that. I can't get over the feeling that I have wasted such a huge portion of this year and of my teenage years. It hurts and it hurts badly.

Which is the precise reason I went to my mom a few minutes ago and said, "Um, I need to talk to you about blogging. I need help." That's the absolute truth--I need help getting away from it, and I can't do it by myself. Not only do I need God's help but I need someone to hold me accountable.

So here it is: No blogging for two weeks. Period. Nada. Zip. Zero. You get the picture.

And after that?

I'm still not sure. I don't lie when I say I've made some pretty amazing friends here on Blogger. I have writing buddies through Blogger. I send 1,500 word emails to my best blogging friend. I care about y'all and what you're doing. You've encouraged me, alerted me, taught me, and made me laugh. It's been a blessing to have meet all of you.

That said, I care about you--but I no longer want to blog.

Ouch. That stings, doesn't it? Well, here's the thing: much as I've enjoyed blogging, my life is hasn't stood still for it. I have things to do and places to go. I have a novel to write and friends to make and a camera to save up for. I want to be the Caroline who writes hand written letters to her friends, who laughs at stupid Robin Hood spoofs on Youtube, who has deep and real talks with her best buddies. Who isn't afraid to write that novel of hers and share it. Who was obsessed with writing and books. Let me tell you something: the 3,592 words I've written so far for NanoWrimo is more than I've written for my novels in three months.

At the end of the two weeks, I'm gonna see where I am and how far I've come. I won't say I'll be gone from the world of Blogger for good. I probably won't be. But now I've realized I can't fit blogging into the rest of my life. I highly admire those who can, but right now, it's not working for me.

So this month of November, I'm gonna write that 50,000 word novel. I'm gonna save my pennies for that elusive camera. This Friday I'm going to Katelyn's, and we'll have an awesome time taking pictures, painting nails, giving each oatmeal face masks (I think...). All I want to do is have an awesome time with one of my besties that I haven't seen in over a month. I don't want blogging to be on my mind. I don't want to say something and think, "Hey, that's going on my blog later!" And I want to buckle down and do my schoolwork when I need to, not when I feel like. I want to call my friends on the phone, finish making that music video with Molly, laugh with her over inside jokes and dance in the rain and drag her across the kitchen floor. And I plan to take chilly walks across the golf course, and tomorrow night go to a youth group I've never been to before, and write in my diary all the things that I think could go on my blog.

Do I do many of these things anyways? Yes. But I want to do them without being a blogger for two weeks.

You guys, you're awesome. I'm not gone for good, and this blog won't be deleted. But I am serious when I say, even if I come back after the two weeks, I might not blog anymore. Maybe sporadically. But I'd rather like to live a life apart from blogging.

I already have many of y'alls email addresses, but if you'd like to email me, then leave a comment with your email which I won't publish. NOTICE: I WILL NOT BE PUBLISHING COMMENTS UNTIL I RETURN IN TWO WEEKS.

So after then, I'll return your email. :)

My dears...this is hard to write. And I think it will be hard to stop this. But what's one thing I love to say?

Life has got to be lived.

I intend to live it fully and wholly for Jesus Christ. I hope you will, too.

So for now I say, adieu, and God bless you in your journey!

Life is good!